Sunday, August 25, 2013

Finding Inner Peace

Hey everyone it's M!

So I realize it has been some time since both C and I have posted to the blog. There has been so much going on in both of our worlds that we have not had the time to sit down and update or even just have some fun with you guys! We truly hope that everyone out there has been having a wonderful summer and that you are letting yourself live in the moment and soaking up experiences!

C just recently got married and had the most beautiful wedding day/night ever! I am SO lucky to have had a chance to be there on her big day. She is certainly surrounded by so many wonderful people who love her, including myself. I know that everyday in her new journey is going to be a great one, not necessarily always easy, but SO worth it and amazing nonetheless.

Speaking of summer fun and love - I know that this summer, similar to last year has been one of discontent for me. I still can't seem to get myself back to feeling my normally vivacious and go getting self as I once was a couple years back. With that being said I am now realizing that part of that is because I expect myself to ALWAYS be the same, when that is clearly impossible. I think back to my years away at college and the first few back home and think...why can't I be more like THAT Megan?!? I felt alive, I went out, I drank beer, I danced, I planned all kinds of fun events with friends, I laughed, I night swam, I stayed up late, I felt connected....and the list goes on.

Why can't I live like and do all of those things now? I find myself worried and tattered on a daily basis, I feel lost when I am in a situation where I should be having a blast (i.e.out for a friend's birthday). I feel distant, spacey, and just not the same. I find myself dreading doing things I used to be excited for.

It is obvious that I am FAR to in my own head for my own good. I talk myself into thinking that my life is much worse than it actually is. I make mountains out of molehills and in turn ruin my experiences. As I have posted before I was going through a depression along with my anxiety. I don't think that I have fully recovered from that yet, and that mainly is my own doing. I am feeling better than I was before, no doubt about that. I learned that a deficiency in both vitamin D3 and B vitamins can lower your bodies energy and mood levels, which can lead to depression and other mental health problems. SO I have been supplementing myself with whole food based vitamins. I have a wonderful D3 and a great B Complex. I think that they are truly what brought me out of the severely low place I was. That being said, you may be thinking, okay then...why are you still reporting that you are feeling down and out. WELL, good question. The answer is the next step is reworking my thoughts! If we only could remember just how important our train of thought and negative thinking was, we would never let our mind get the best of us. So, even though I have made sad attempts to rewire myself, I have not been consistent enough. It will take months and extreme dedication to always be counterbalancing the negativity that goes on in my head. One bad, sad, negative thought can put you on the train to down and out town and your whole day is ruined. This week I have pledged to myself that I will constantly be aware of my internal dialogue. And that when any thought such as, "ugh, I'm too tired to deal with these kids at work," or "I look terrible today, why can't I just look nice for once," or even "I'm nervous about going to the party," come about I will take my baseball bat and hit them so far out into the stands that nobody will catch it. I will then run the bases, and slide into home plate - rejoicing in my new found positivity. At the first second of 'hearing' myself say something negative I will come back at it with the most positive thing I can possibly think of. 

You see your thought process is a vicious cycle. A cycle that you don't want to let get loose. One negative thought can spiral you into multiple negative thoughts, which will then turn into you creating stories or reliving past experiences that are not necessary. This can then lead into heightened anxiety, panic attacks, and inevitably avoidance tactics, and sabotage. BUT on the contrary, stopping those bad thoughts in their tracks can have you climbing up the ladder to happiness, excitement, and moving on. LIVING IN THE MOMENT! Something I strive to work towards everyday. Because I truly feel like, besides a few moments of clarity here and there, I have been living in a damp, dusty place that is leaving me wanting more. More vibrant memories, more laughter, more excitement - more, more, more! 

That being said, this week I challenge not only myself, but YOU to start or restart your thought process. Gain control over your mind and start to see yourself transform, not to your former "happy" self but to a new and improved, STRONGER version of yourself. The minute we realize that we're living in the past and decide to only work for a more positive self NOW, is the minute we will begin to understand ourselves and how powerful we really are!


 Here's to taking care of ourselves instead of letting the world around us and IN us dictate how we live!

You are STRONG. You are AMAZING. You are WORTH IT!

 peace & love - M

No comments:

Post a Comment