I am HERE...NOW...GRATEFUL!

SO, I am here…BACK and ready to check in!

Similar to M, I have been not feeling myself and this past weekend it all came boiling over.

Last week I had posted that I was struggling, confused and having “doubts”. This was MY WAY of reaching out, crying out and SCREAMING HELP! I was even afraid to admit what I was doubting. I was vague and bland with what I was feeling, which is exactly what had gotten me into such an awful position. I have NEVER been as low as I was this past Friday and really saw no way out…but I am here NOW! I made it and learned from my mistakes.

To be 100% honest with you, I was doubting my plans to get married. Who wants to marry a crazy person like me? How am I supposed to have children with ANXIETY? And these thoughts bounced around my head (normal tactic my anxiety uses to pull me back down), but since this is SUCH a new experience for me I made my first mistake and actually listened to these awful thoughts! I thought it was normal to think this way perhaps and had no clue that it was just my anxiety. So I listened and listened and listened…then started to believe. Then I made my NEXT BIG MISTAKE (THE BIGGEST MISTAKE)…I didn’t speak a word of this to ANYONE!

SILENCE…torture…MORE SILENCE!

How was I supposed to bring this up to my fiancé? Who else would I bring this up to? Who can I ask if this is normal? My mom? NOPE…she would judge me or tell the rest of the family and then THEY would judge me. My dad? NO…he would tell me NOT to get married and to move home. My best friend? NOPE…She will judge me and then questions standing up in the wedding if I decide to get married……(CRAZY)!

These thoughts continued and I believed and I convinced myself I was never deserving of anyone as amazing as my fiancé, I was never going to be able to handle it, something was bound to happen to ruin everything and that I was unlovable, unworthy and would never be ANYONE’S special someone. I believed that I was alone 100% and was destined to be the rest of my life. This went on for three weeks and I spiraled as if I were sliding around a funnel; just waiting to DROP, fall…GIVE UP!

I pushed people away, secluded myself and did not say a word. The other mistake I made was that I stopped all “maintenance” on my anxiety. I was convinced it was gone and I had a control on it. I felt 100% fine and wasn’t experiencing my normal triggers. Truthfully, I was sick and I got lazy! My excuse was “I’m sick” to just about everything. Yoga? Nope, I’m sick. Paint? No, sick. Healthy food? Nah, too sick to cook.

So…along the silent road I was on all hell exploded last Friday! Where was I? BED. I was lying there listening to these awful negative things running through my head torturing myself and sinking to the deepest spot I have ever been in. I had let these thoughts run further into attacking my life and the want and need to continue on.

I was done.

Yes, my head was there. I was completely emptied and vacant of all emotion, all comprehension of right and wrong, all will to move forward and I was DONE. And yes, I attempted because I believed. I attempted to leave my problems, life, loved ones, fiancé, family and everything else. I was angry and done.

In the midst of chaos I broke down, reached out to my fiancé and admitted what I was doing. An inch of mindfulness was thrown in my face…

[Once in my life, years ago, my therapist had given me an outlet of how to get the severe anxiousness and anger OUT. The advice: “throw eggs into the bath tub, break terracotta in a pillowcase in a safe environment…” (that’s all I really remembered).]

So, remembering that advice (the only thought fluttering through my head at the moment) I raced to the kitchen and took out plates and bowls. CRASH, BOOM, BAM, SHATTER, CRASH…!

LIFE SAVING!

So, after “getting those evil thoughts out” (and making a mess) it was almost as if I was woken up just enough to realize what I was doing WAS WRONG! I picked myself up with the little energy I had, went back to bed and passed out.

I woke up the next morning still empty. I hurt all over. I was embarrassed!

I told the people closest to me. I came clean. I let it pour out. Slowly my heart was back to beating again. I was reminded how much I was loved and how stupid I had been. Yes, STUPID! I came clean about the thoughts that had started the entire mess and NO ONE, not even my fiancé, thought that I was crazy. They loved me anyways, supported me anyways and promised to help me through any other questions and doubts that might flutter into my head in the future. How ungrateful am I? UGH!

It is funny because they all knew that it was my anxiety, not ME! ME would not ever think of doing such a thing. NEVER!

UGH!

It is taking A LOT to get this posted and OUT…it brings me to tears to think of what I would have lost. BUT I cannot think of the “what if” and stay in the past because it doesn’t exist any longer. I AM HERE NOW and I need to keep that in front of me and centered.

SO, yes…the person who is trying to take on the world of anxiety was defeated, but I have prevailed. I am still getting back on my feet (with some help of course) one day at a time.

The Happy Light is on every morning, which is my first step. I am cooking again, which is my anxiety-free time and keeps me healthy (my second step). This is where I am now. I have support and it is present everyday. I am UNBELIEVABLY GRATEFUL for my loved ones and for my support and for my LIFE!

I am back on this destination to end anxiety so please have patience with me as I get back on the right path. I promise I will help in due time!

DO NOT make my mistakes. Learn from my mistakes and PLEASE reach out if you EVER have anxiety taking control of you. If you have ANY negative thought please share with SOMEONE, reach out, TELL ME EVEN, but do NOT go at it alone. I’ve told my story in hopes to reach someone, help someone or just educate.

Anxiety is only as powerful as we allow it to be!

…TRUST ME because I know! I have learned, I have grown and I will recover.

Love. Family. Fiancé. Friends. BE GRATEFUL. Always.

C

Scared, but hopeful!

As I sit here typing, my brain is in a whirlwind of its own demise. I can barely think straight, but yet I want to say so much. I've been grappling with a lot of things in life lately. Many are situational and have lent to the bad place that I am in. Others are internal struggles that continue to keep me in this horrific place. All that being said, I have been in denial about a huge chunk of what is going on with me....and that is DEPRESSION!

I am so open, and free about the in's and out's of my anxiety on a regular basis to many people in my life. I don't go around shouting it to the rooftops but I certainly can confide about it when needed. That being said I have been beraged with a plethora of things in life that have taken my level of anxiety and shot it through the roof. I can NOT for a second keep my mind in a good place. I am ALWAYS in a tangle of bad thoughts and wonders of how I am going to get to a better spot financially, or feel better with some medical things going on, etc, etc, etc,etc...yeahhh that much.

SO long story short month after month of changes (I don't do good with it AT ALL), lowered self esteem, negative people and situations on a daily basis, and my scary, scary mind to name a few....here I stand.

I stand here ready to announce that I am more than likely, very much so, DEPRESSED! I have not been clinically diagnosed, but I have all of the warning signs. I have thought it too myself a few times over the past few months, but figured it would pass. It would dissipate as time went on. Yeahhh. No!

I have dug myself such a deep hole in my head that I can barely see the light from the top. I have so many great things going on in my life, albeit, stressful trying to balance them, and God forbid ENJOY them! How does one deal with all of this happy, sad, angry, mad stuff anyways??!

I try so hard to get back on top and with every attempt I just add to the mess. I simply don't know how to figure it out the proper way. When you look at a list of the symptoms for depression and just short of number 12 being "Your name is Megan, you're 27, and you live in the hell of your own brain," I checked ALL of them off! Just as I suspected. I'm not one for internet diagnosing, but its safe to say that doctor .com is probably on top of her game today.

So what do you think I'm feeling right now? You're right......NOTHING!

I have no stinkin' clue what I'm thinking. I'm numb (as I have been for a good percentage of time lately), I'm scared, and by golly, I'm exhausted of thinking what I might have to do to get back to the real me. I'm already exhausted, yet can't sleep for shit (you got it - insomnia) as it is....how am I suppose to fight this extra battle?

Well, as I see it, that's where YOU come in. I have now just told anyone and everyone who comes across this page. Then you know what? As soon as my boyfriend comes back upstairs, I'm going to sit him down right next to me, turn my computer towards him, and point. He will then read this and look at my scribble in my journal and realize that this is a real problem. I have eluded to the fact that I was grappling with SOME of this before, but not to the caliber that I'm pretty sure he's unaware it is.

Then and only then, will I have the guts to start getting the help I need. I know in my last post I had mentioned making some lifestyle changes. And you can bet your bottom dollar I didn't forget about that....well with the way my short term memory has been lately (another lovely symptom of this beast) I very well could of....but I didn't!

I will still keep the changes short, since I now finally came to my senses and got out of the denial stage and rambled for an hour about my "dark hole." But as of now I PLEDGE first and foremost to myself, but then to my family, friends, and YOU all who deserve a much happier, healither, face the facts kind of girl! :)

I bought a bag of oranges today and sat them on my desk, this is my first attempt, and by attempt I mean success at changing my diet. This way I will make sure I have an orange every morning since I have had NOTHING but junk, upon junk, upon junk the last 4 months, and my body can't take it ANYMORE! Small steps to a greater me. 

Next, by this weekend I will be joining a very cheap gym. Where I can sweat it out, and get in what my body needs....good ole' fashioned exercise. Because there is a STRONG link to both anxiety and depression and exercise. I've known this, and I used to exercise a lot, but that doesn't mean I've listened or done it it the past 6 months! I've made sorry attempts at doing a day here and there...well yeah that doesn't count. I will now make it a part of my weekly exsistence and it will be persistent - at least 3 times a week! 

Those are my first two small steps to really start making some changes. I will also be revamping and sleep training myself, along with making some schedule changes. There will be more, many more changes to come as well (many holistic and natural)...these are just a few of the most simple ways that I am starting with that won't overwhelm me any more than I am!

SO please remember that this is REAL, this is ME, and this is ME reaching out to you not only to help myself. But to help YOU! Please, please, please feel free reach out to me and share your stories and we can do this together. The reason we started this blog was not to be the answer to ALL but to be the backbone to this community that we want to build.

Here's to a happier, healither me. A comforted and helped you. And a new and enlightened us...

                                                               ......let the journey begin!!

Peace, Love, and Health - M

Checking in my CHAOS

My, my, my...it feels as though its been a while. And you're right...it has been! I have been SO FREAKING BUSY lately, I'm seriously lucky I know my own name with the amount of both external and internal chaos happening to me. My mind is cluttered, my body achy, and my eyes heavy....all great ways to let anxiety creep in. And let me tell you, I have most definitely been dealing with quite of bit of 'the beast.' That being said, this is short and sweet tonight, but to get myself in a better spot both mentally and physically, I am going to be making a few tweeks in my daily life over the next few weeks. Some are dietary. A couple are exercise related. And others are revamping a few things in my life that could use a change for the better! I will sit down and delve into some more of this thought process and hopes to come later this week.....but for now, my fellow strong souls...please remember we are in this together! So try and give yourself 3 minutes after you read this to meditate on where you stand in your battle with 'the beast.' Do some deep breathing while doing this, and at the end tell yourself these three things:
1. I am strong. 
2. I am worth it! 
...and Lastly...I am an amazing individual with plenty to offer this sometimes crazy, silly world.

When you feel so tightly wound, and you don' t think you can go on, just laugh! 
Even this dog can find a minute to share a smile. :)

Love and such - M

Just how it is...sometimes!

So...yes. I have something to say and something to get out and express to others that know and have a direct relationship with anxiety. I've had such a great handle on my anxiety and it hasn't snuck up in a while. The normal flutter and nervous feeling has been gone for a good time now and I've felt great. It's funny how it finds ways to creep back in......without you even realizing what is happening. I find ways and reasons as to why I feel a certain ways....."it's bc I'm tired", "it's probably bc I watched that one show and now I can't stop thinking/obsessing about that one thing", "it's bc of someone else, it's all their fault, fuck them", "maybe it's bc I ate this or that, didn't go to yoga AND I had a bad day at work"...........................really?

NO.

It's my freaking anxiety! It's back, trying to snake it's way in and pretend it's something else. What a tricky little ass hole, this thing called anxiety. It makes me doubt every little thing I do, think, say and feel. With something I've been 150% confident about I now have 5% confidence in. And to be very honest with you...it SUCKS! It hurts to not KNOW how you REALLY FEEL. It shakes my foundation, pulls the rug out from under me, kicks me while I'm down and hangs me upside down by my toes!

I've tried, consciously, to fix this and progress has been made ten fold. It's sinking feelings like this which kind of make me feel like I'm drowning. I question, question, question, question....and then question those questions! ANNOYING! Who is there to talk to if I am the support to so many others? Are these feelings and doubts I'm having legitimate and real or just my evil ego/anxiety trying to drowned me? Should I even talk about these shity feelings or should I wait until this wave of anxiety is over and reassess what is happening? Should I call my mom? No. Talk to my friend _____ ? No. Then WHO?!?! It will pass, right? This feeling and these thoughts will subside!

So this is where is sit. Jumbled in my own freaking head, torturing myself and spinning a long root of anxiety deep inside me. And yes, it makes me mad! It makes me feel defeated and eliminates everyone, including myself, from being trusted. GAH!!! Shity shity shity shity!

And as I'm writing this I'm thinking "it's probably bc your sick" and then the story comes along again as to why I feel the need to write this and unroll all of this.

So as I lay in bed and ponder.......this is where my faith comes into play. Some deep breathing and calm will help level me out. Right? Yes! I have to instantly think of all I have accomplished with my anxiety and how far I've come in defeating it. I caught it in its sneaky little tracks. It might take some time, but with some positive affirmations and constant reminders of how far I've come will help. I hope it does and I pray I can climb out of this once again.

I will be working hard in the next weeks and will check back to update my progress.

Must remember a purpose.
C

INSPIRED…revived…thankful!

SO…we’ve been a little MIA in the past week! BUT we are baaaaaaaack! I wanted to shoot a quick little post out to share just how inspired I’ve been lately by words of loved ones that have lifted me up higher than I thought I would ever be. It is truly confirmed that I am meant to help others. In return, I am helping myself!

Last weekend (October 27^th and 28^th) everyone was out celebrating Halloween. M and I were out as well (sadly not together). I was headed to a party with my fiancé where we would be meeting A LOT of new people. I usually freak out the day before, hours before and on the way there. I stress and stress and stress until I cry, get sick or throw my hands up and refuse to go. Without even realizing, NONE OF THAT HAPPENED! There was pure happiness, excitement and readiness flowing through me.

We headed to the party and had an AMAZING time. On our way home my fiancé grabs my hand and says, “I am so very proud of you!”. Of course I was confused, but turned to him and said “What? Why?” with a little bit of an uncomfortable laugh. He responded with “your anxiety was nonexistent tonight, it wasn’t hard for you to go or stay or talk to new people. I’m proud of you that you’ve improved SO much!”. That little sentence touched me so deeply and reaffirmed that all my hard work has been changing how my anxiety controls my life. SO AWESOME!

I really have worked my ass off to find things to help my anxiety naturally and this was the cherry on time of my hard-work-Sunday! Hehe. It all started when I switched my thinking and told myself I would fight as long as it took to get this stupid anxiety to go away.

That simple comment was enough, but the next affirmation BLEW ME AWAY and makes me feel as though I’ve come full circle.

I received a message last night with the sincerest words. As I was driving my phone beeps and tells me that an old friend (someone who I have not spoken to in five years) had written me. I little confused I, briefly skimmed the message…then PULLED OVER! This message was like nothing I had ever read before from someone I had helped get through a very difficult time.

As you see in my bio, I am a rape survivor/victim/? (not sure what to call it). The bio was probably one of the hardest things I have ever written and almost made me not follow through with this blog. It is something I DON’T TALK ABOUT and something that people don’t bring up because it doesn’t define me. Not a lot of people know and I like it that way, to be perfectly honest.

That being said, the message was related to this. The person who sent me these amazing words was a rape victim as well. I had been there for her from the morning after the incident to through the ups and downs of the emotions she suffered through in the weeks after. I confided in her that I was once in her shoes and that I was willing to help in any way that I could. Honestly, it was a challenge for me as well! Bringing up those raw emotions and feelings that go hand in hand with the experience if HARD, but I sucked it up to help my friend. I never realized I had made helped so much sharing my experience.

Back to the message: This old friend sent me a message about how much I helped her and how thankful she was that I had been there to share my story with her and to help her get through what she needed to get through at that time. AMAZING! She had been and still is the only person I have helped in this area and I am forever grateful for her kind words.

It all really has come FULL CIRCLE! I’ve finally opened up about it and then I receive an affirmation that it was the right thing to do. I cannot even describe the emotions that were shooting through me while reading these words.

So I am revived, recharged and inspired to help others with my story and with the things that have worked for me. Anxiety is a BITCH and I will smash it!

Ready to paint, create and grow!

C

Food Triggers

Hey there everybody hope you are all doing well and working on some of our challenges! One challenge and experiment I've been doing in my own life is working with and seeing how food has been affecting my body.

Food is such an essential part of our lives and sometimes within the busy combines of our daily routines, watching what we put in our bodies, and how our bodies in turn react goes to the wayside. There are extrememly strong ties to the way food affects our bodies both physically and mentally. Unfortunately all of the fatty, sugary, goodness that is put in front of us driving down the road, on our flat screen tv's, and in the corner of our very own cabinets is no good for our mental states.

Foods high in sugars, caffine, and carbohydrates all affect our bodies in a negative way, especailly when eaten often or in bulk amounts. Ever wonder why you feel sluggish, foggy, and/or loppy after a weekend of binging? Well it's your bodies way of telling you....this is NOT okay!! Sugars and carbs take a ton of our energy stored inside of us to break them down and they bog down our systems. These then can spike our sugar and insulin levels as well as set off different hormones in our body that send our brain mixed signals.

In my experiment as of now, I have clearly noticed a difference in my overall mood, energy level, and state of alertness depending on my eating habits. I was eating quite terribly for quite some time due to having little time to prepare proper meals and being over worked and stressed (defenses that make your system crash evern harder.) I finally put my foot down and started to change out things in my diet. I tried starting every day with a smoothie of some sort! It's a great way to pack in a ton of nutrients that will fuel you mind and body for the start of your day, and keep you feeling satifsied. When I was having a sweet tooth attack, especially in the beginning I had a handful of dark chocolate covered almonds to satiate my sweet tooth but pack in some protein. All of these minute changes started to get me on the right track. It's amazing how much 'lighter' you can feel when you watch how you fuel your brain, nervous system, and your overll body. It may not happen over night, but if you listen to and follow what your body is telling you, you will begin to feel more at east because when you have the right fuel you are not setting off the wrong triggers and sending your body into a tizzy!!

I just wanted top touch base on this food trigger process, and well later this week send some great links for tips, inspiration, and other ideas to helps wrap pur brains around the importance of food and diet.

I want everyone to add some aspect of there diet into their journal. I like to make note of anything I notice that changes or newly pops up and what I ate prior to that so that I may link the effects. Did you have a giant bowl of M n M's Friday night and by Sunday you could barely function or had a panic attack? Could you body be telling you something?

☮- M

Meditation Challenge: Let's Give Ourselves a REST

I'm excited and I hope you all are too! This challenge will not only spread the light on how awesome meditation is for all of you who have never tried it, but it will keep both M and I accountable to each other so that we get our meditation on too! I try very hard to meditate daily, but sometimes life gets in the way and it is impossible! Or is it? (Trick question)

"There are eight hours of 24 hours that you are asleep, 8 hours working...what are you doing for the other EIGHT HOURS?"

Did you think about it, did you make all the excuses as to how busy you are and how all the petty crap is SO IMPORTANT? Is your anxiety done now? Ok, great, NOW we can begin on how you need to make time for yourself. What is ten minutes going to do to your busy schedule???? NOTHING!

Meditation is proven by all research to be beneficial on multiple levels. What an easy and relaxing practice to get acquainted with that will help your body, mind and spirit!

As I had stated in a previous post, I meditate when I walk my dog. It's called walking meditation. You can even do this in the grocery store! I've just started researching baby meditation and how you can meditate with your infant which, in turn, instills the practice of meditation within your infant. Message me if you have an infant or toddler and ill share this practice method with you!!!

The challenge is simple! Meditate for ten minutes every day. That's it! Your anxiety will give you a million and one reasons as to why you cannot fit it in that day, don't listen! Do it anyways! You can meditate in the shower, on the toilet, in the grocery store, in the office and pretty much anywhere and in any way that you choose! SO, anxiety has no excuse. Slow down and take ten minutes to turn your breath on and your brain OFF!

For those of you who are new at this start with the Mindful Meditation method lying down. Concentrate on deep breathing first and then focus your entire mind on relaxing each body part starting with your toes. Lie still and relax your toes, your shins, your knees, your thighs, you pelvis, your stomach, your rib cage, your chest, your fingers, your forearms......all the way to your head! Keep practicing that and you will find it easier to get to that deep meditation quicker each time!

I am beginning my meditation with a Mindful Meditation in my bedroom lying down and breathing deep! Where will you begin your challenge?

If you have any questions at all please don't hesitate to email or message us and we will be more than happy to help! :)

Peace. Love. RELAX.
C

Meditation: Finding YOUR OWN Meditation and What Works For YOU

We all have our views on meditation, right? Some think it’s laying in a “zened-out” room, on a mat, with incense burning, calm instrumental music playing in the background and no distractions. I should say that MOST of the general population think that this is the only way they can find any sort of calm or experience the benefits of meditating. I am here to give you A LOT more options that you can fit into you daily lives to reduce your anxiety. Once you get the hang of it and find a style of meditating that works for you all the benefits will start flowing and you will feel SO GOOD!

Before yoga I have NEVER experienced meditation and always thought “who the hell has that much time to lay still, I do that when I’m sleeping”! I was SO WRONG! The point of meditating is SHUTTING OFF YOUR BRAIN. A lot of us anxiety sufferers can’t do that, even when we sleep. There is no point in the day that my brain rests, I have to consciously shut it off and the only way that is accomplished (for me) is meditating. There are a lot of different ways you can meditate so there is no excuse for not getting your daily meditation in.

For those of you who like FACTS (like me), meditation is scientifically proven to benefit you and your physical, mental and spiritual health. Here are a few facts…

Meditation…

-       Decreases respiratory rate

-       Increases blood flow and slows heart rate

-       Lowers levels of blood lactate that have direct links to anxiety

-       Enhances the immune system

-       Enhances energy

-       Improved flow of air to the lungs

-       Asthma relief

-       Relaxes your nervous system

-       Helps weight loss

-       Increases serotonin levels

-       Resolve phobias and fears

-       Increases brain wave coherence

-       Increased emotional stability

-       Opens communication between both brain hemispheres

-       Decrease in restless thinking

-       Builds tolerance

-       Body, mind and spirit are balanced

-       Attain enlightenment

-       Helps you experience life in the present

-       Harmonizes your endocrine system

…there ya go! I have only listed 20 benefits, but there are hundreds, even THOUSANDS of more benefits. Look it up! You will be shocked! Meditation looks a little more appealing now, doesn’t it?

I can tell you how I meditate and it might help you incorporate your own meditation practice. I have a few favorite meditation practices, but my daily meditation is done while I’m….WALKING! Yep, you read it correctly…WALKING! I have a dog who I take out and walk every day when I get home from work. It is something that I have to do daily which now forces me to meditate. A dog lives a simple life and is always living in the NOW. My lovely dog is anxiety free and is experiencing her WHOLE LIFE as opposed to always thinking about the past or the future, which is the root of all anxiety. When we walk I start with deep breathing through my nose as soon as we head outside. I notice the ground (ex: wet, dry, leaves, grass, color, smell), then focus on what is in front of me (ex: trees, houses, plants, bushes, people), then listen to my feet, focus on my pace, and then focus back on my breathing. During this time I let nothing else run through my head except for what I see, smell or hear. When something pops into my head I simply take another deep breath and look at what is around me. I feel refreshed, at peace and rested when I’m done and it is amazing. It is a wonderful break to a day full of worrisome thoughts and anxious jitters.

I am simply mimicking my dog, in all honesty. I am smelling, listening and looking at what is around me and experiencing it for what it is in that moment. With anxiety, you rarely are experiencing the NOW, you are always in the past or creating a story of the future that doesn’t exist yet.

If you don’t have a dog, it’s okay, just go for a walk. Simple. Walk around your block, your neighborhood or even your yard and try this little walking meditation. Consciously turn off your head for 10 minutes and give yourself a break. The more and more you meditate, the more your brain will crave the feeling of CALM. It will become more and more easy for you to find your place of calm in a moment of distress when you regularly practice meditation. I promise!

Two of my other favorite meditation styles are Focused Meditation and a type of Mindful/Grounding Meditation. With Focused Meditation I like to sit or lay down and focus on one thing such as a tree. Everything about that tree I look at, examine and try to experience (ex: the color of the bark and leaves, the wind swirling through the branches, the water it drinks from the ground, the sunlight that bounces around the leaves). You can find something simple to focus on, like a tree, and use this as your meditation. I sometimes use this when I am at work and I have 10 minutes to myself. With the Mindful/Grounding Meditation I take my shoes off when I am outside and place my feet on some EARTH. Grass is my favorite, of course, but dirt doesn’t bother me either. I will place my bare feet on the ground and breath in as if I am breathing from my feet. If you have never tried this PLEASE try it at least once. The energy you receive from the earth is so balancing and amazing for anxiety.

Both of these meditations I LOVE, but do take time out of my daily flow so I incorporate them once in a while. My walking meditation is a daily exercise I do for my brain and for my anxiety. My dog can even sense when I am meditating and she becomes calm as well, doesn’t pull her leash or try to run after another animal. Just try it and let us know what you think. There will be a little meditation challenge coming up here soon that I cannot wait for.

So, all I ask of anyone is to try it ONCE! If you are needing a little assistance then just send me a private email and I would love to help you. Give your brain a chance to relax and take a break from ANXIETY. Do it for your health, your mind, your spirit and your body!

Let us know how you feel…! It will help!!!

Off to meditate. Peace. Love.

C

Music to My Ears

Just wanted to say HELLO to everyone and share my thought of the evening....

Music is part of all of our lives to some extent, and there is NO doubt that it makes us feel. It can make us feel happy, sad, hopeful, or even mad at any given time. That being said my newest mission is to make myself a playlist. I will name this playlist BLISS, because my goal is to feel completely and utterly calm and thoughtful when listening to the songs on this list. I have been slowly jotting songs down when I hear them, or texting myself the name of something I hear while out and about! Some of these songs are ones that I have long loved for some reason, whether for its mellow beats, the lyrics, or just one single line. While others are new songs that catch my ear and make me feel at peace. I wanted to share this with everyone, because I know there are a ton of other music lovers out there, and I would love to share this idea! Not only that but I would love to hear some of the songs that others find helpful in guiding themselves to their happy place. :)

I'm off to relax, stretch, and listen to some music before hitting the hay...hope all are at ease this evening!

☮ - M

Challenge: Inner Spirit. Inner Drive.

Another day, Another CHALLENGE! We dare you...

So like our journaling challenge, we want to get you up and moving forward in your journey to find strength and peace inside of ourselves. We most certainly don't want you to stop journaling - goodness no! Keep that a weekly or even daily constant in your life to see the real results! The longer you do it and the more time you devote to it, the more you will flourish from it. I have been doing SO much journaling lately to identify triggers better in my life. I also use journaling to just plain ole get some emotions out on paper so that they may be free!

So you ask, what's this next challenge going to be? I promise I won't ask you to juggle fire while on a unicycle...unless of course...that's what you think might be your calling. But what I am asking you is to find something that ignites you. Something that truly makes you feel fulfilled! Hopefully whatever it may be, it brings you an escape from your anxiety as well! C and I shared our creative outlets, and what has truly helped us to find a new form of managing our anxiety. We not only feel at peace when we're doing these wonderful things, but we feel fulfilled in ourselves in a way our typical day at work, or stop at the nearest mall could ever get us. Through yoga, photography, and dance we have become more of the people we were meant to be! We give to others and in return are inspired not only by those that we work with and around, but by ourselves as well.

It is important in life to stay true to yourself and your inner wants and needs, so whether it be an old hobby you put to the wayside, or something you've always wanted to try....DO IT! You have nothing to lose. If you even just get your foot wet into whatever this marvelous talent or love of something is....then your bettering yourself. We need to stop and remember that, even in the busiest of times, it beyond important to feed our souls! So go on...go pick up that crochet needle and make some scarves for your families...and maybe a few homeless folks. Go take a zumba class with a friend since you could both benefit from both the physical and mental boost that comes along. Or heck, go take an art class because you NEVER have and would love to expand your horizons. You never know where these things may take you, and without a doubt we know you are going to feel amazing for even just trying.

Last but not least...
Come on and SHARE your stories with us, let us know what inspires YOU...because you inspire US!

☮ - M

STRETCH. BEND. Controlled Breathing: How Yoga Changed my Life

SO…if you haven’t tried yoga, if you think you aren’t “flexible” or if you think it’s not for you…YOU HAVE GOT TO TRY IT!

Put your ego aside for a second and step into a studio or get a DVD and try it at home! Yoga has been the best thing I have found to help with my anxiety and I will forever be a yogi. It isn’t about how GOOD you can bend, whether or not you can touch your toes or who is looking at you! It is holding a difficult pose and then coming out of it and thinking, “wow, I did it”. Yoga is trying a pose even if you don’t think you can maneuver your body in such a way, it is controlling your breath and accomplishing a state of total CALM (if you fall, you fall…just get back up). Yoga is lying down at the end of class and saying “holy shit I made it!”. After a while these positive outcomes and thoughts follow you into your normal daily life.

With anxiety your brain talks TOO MUCH! It tells you what you can’t do, what you shouldn’t do, how awful you will feel or how you will fail at something new.  Yoga goes against all of those silly little thoughts that flutter your head all day. Yoga is about the NOW and how you feel as you flow from pose to pose. Your anxiety lives in the past and in the future, what kind of life is that? I walk into my yoga studio and leave my brain outside the door and focus on ME. And, yes, my brain does sneak in and tell me how awful I am doing once or twice during a yoga class, but I reverse each thought and find something positive that I have improved on in my practice (YOU ALWAYS IMPROVE ON SOMETHING)! I’ve continued to practice yoga; positive affirmations and breath training have followed me into my everyday life helping me manage my anxiety.

I encourage any anxiety sufferer, WHOLE HEAREDLY, to at least try yoga and see how you feel afterwards. I promise you will feel the benefits.

Yoga has changed my life and helped my anxiety so tremendously that I decided to learn as much as I can about it and sign up to become a certified yoga instructor. CRAZY right? At first I signed up thinking I would learn SO much that my anxiety would somehow disappear and I would gain a new talent. It ended up being so much more than that.

I believe that yoga teacher training ignited this want and need inside of me to help others find their way to CALM. And this is a great start! I am so very thankful to myself, for signing up, but also incredibly thankful to my instructor, Adrienne Hengels! She taught me how to not use my anxiety as a crutch, but as a bounding point. And here I am now and will be doing LOTS more in the future.

Yoga is aligning the mind, the body and the spirit. In balancing your entire self your anxiety has not a lot of room to rattle around and cause you to feel uneasy. Sounds wonderful really! So why not do that for yourself?

I am currently doing the research into the poses that benefit anxiety directly, can calm you in a time of distress and can be a sort of balancer for when you might feel a little out of whack. I will eventually be posting some poses that you all can try. And when they start helping you, pass it on and help someone else! “Spread the love”!

So I sincerely encourage anyone and everyone, especially anxiety sufferers, to try a little yoga. If you are in the Midwest area come out and check out Power of your Om studio (www.powerofyourom.com). Stop in and take a class and let me know how you feel afterwards. Comment and let us know or send us a private email. If you need a little motivation, email me and I will help you or recommend a DVD you can try at home. I am here to help you experience something new that COULD help! That’s it. Simple.

Check it out. Let us know what you think. Don’t forget to smile through it.

Peace. Love. Sincerity.

C

Inspiration. Serenity. New Beginnings.

My story. My life. My breath of fresh air...

When I think of my most anxious times in life, there is always one reoccurring thought, feeling, and mantra for me..."Be Free!" All I ever wanted when I was enduring these rough patches was to feel free and at ease. Free of the 'demons' inside of me making me feel so cluttered, so out of touch, so...just not right. We all know that when faced with tremendous stress and anxiety getting through one day can be tough let alone crawling back on to solid ground for good. My last bout of extreme struggle with 'the beast' started back last November. This time around my anxiety level was something that literally floored me. Although I've had a life long struggle of ups and downs, when this ton of bricks came piling down on me, it hurt. And it hurt bad! It was a slow decline into the dark abyss as I stressed for two months straight about getting my tonsils out, something that I was deathly afraid of. I could not stop thinking about it day and night, right up until the minute I went into surgery. My extreme fear of doctors, needles, hospitals, and all that came along with them ate me alive day in and day out. It was a torturous road to D-Day! All I wanted was it to be over, and for me to feel like the "old me" again.

So naturally once my surgery was over and I was on the road to recovery, I figured my anxiety levels would subside. Little did I know I was drastically wrong. Although the worst was over, recovery was no fun, I was in a relationship I didn't feel comfortable in, and I had a lot of turmoil at work. Take week after week of these constant stresses, and boom months go by and I'm still a walking head case! I could not take the way I was feeling anymore. I was at a breaking point and had no more to give. It was then I had the worst panic attack...EVER. I had literally hit rock bottom and had nowhere else to go. Thankfully at this point I had a few shining people in my life that helped piece me back together. I give these people SO much credit as I don't know what I'd do without them. One of those people is my now rekindled love and then ex-boyfriend, who without a doubt is the glue that holds me together and the other was C! C and I were fairly new friends at the time but we've always had a great chemistry. She was there to help guide me to sources of comfort and calm. As these two significant people started me on a much healthier, happier road, I also started to do some soul searching of my own. At this point in my life I had dabbled in many different art forms. Most of which I still tried my hand at from time to time, but left no time for my creativity on a regular basis. From dance, to interior design and everything in between I am a truly right brained, creative person. That being said I let everyday life and my anxieties take me away, leaving no time for extra curricular activities. I realized through this thorough searching of deeper being however, that I needed to hone in on what really made me tick.

That being said I had, at that time really started to get into photography. Not even realizing how relaxed and "in another world" I became when doing so. After I started getting more and more comments on how well I use my camera and have an "eye" for getting great pictures  - a bell finally went off - maybe this is something I should be listening to. So long story short, I found myself getting lost on a trail, or climbing up rocks to shoot interesting shots of flowers, trees, and other beauties of nature. I realized that when I gave myself the time to do this, I was SO much more at ease. My anxiety would be non existent while meandering through these scenic routes, and afterwards, even if faced with a stressful situation, I was more likely to come out of it unscathed. This breakthrough has lead me to pursue my photography even more. I now have been branching out, and although nature is my most favorite thing to capture, I have been working with children and families in a variety of fabulous shoots! I can't believe how much relaxation it brings me, and not to mention the absolute JOY it is to work with the fantastic people I encounter, and give them something beautiful to cherish. I am now head over heels in love with photography and am learning, growing, and challenging myself in it everyday! It is my medicine, my breath, and basically my heart beat at this point. I must also mention that the confidence boost that this path gave me, also helped me rekindle my life ling love and devotion to dancing. I've done it ever since I was 3 and about 5 or 6 years ago I kind of just stopped doing it. Not anymore! I have now carved out some time to teach a couple of children's classes so that I can be doing another great outlet that I love so dearly, all while helping others grow in their lives too!

Anxiety can bring us down at times, but we must look within us to find what really makes us at peace. Is it dance, creating mosaics, or how about crocheting? The list of things that can become creative outlets for us is endless, and its unique to each individual. I found my sources of comfort and creativity and never looked back. We also have something that makes us tick and if we ignore it, only time will tell, but we will lose a piece of ourselves. I want everyone around me, including YOU to think about what gives you that special outlet. What makes you forget about your money problems, stubborn co-worker, or troubled past if even just a while? Do some soul searching, journal, venture off into some volunteering, there's something for everyone! And if you already have something that say, you used to do or you think your too out of shape or rusty at - TOO BAD - go do it! Find the new you and that outlet. You may not be able to play volleyball or draw the way you used to, but what can you do with it NOW! I hope that all of you take the time to really day dream and find something you can hold on to to make this life worth living. Because for me not only do photography and dance make the world a MUCH more beautiful place, they make me a much better, happier, healthier person! 

I've added one of my most favorite pictures I've taken to date. I can literally see and feel the breath it gives me when I look at it. I hope you enjoy my creation, and my newest journey - Amore Vita! Please share your creative outlets with us! Comment, message, or email us with your story and maybe a picture of you doing it or the product of which you made! I'm so excited to get to know YOU!

Go and do. Be you! 

☮ - M

Panic Stricken

Hey all, it's M!

Just wanted to stop in and share a story. This afternoon while on the tail end of my work day, I started to feel as though I couldn't breath (what's new?) and I let the feeling carry me away. I was having negative thought after negative thought, and it spun me into a full blown panic attack. What if I have diabetes and my sugar is out of whack? I know it! My brain doesn't have enough oxygen because I'm so tensed up and I'm going to have a stroke.........

 As many of you know once this happens, forget about it, you are lost inside of your own head. I began to get dizzy, felt shaky, and really thought I was going down (a huge fear of mine!) right in the middle of taking care of all of these children. I somehow managed to get through the last 15 minutes in shear panic and made it to my car....sadly I didn't feel like bothering anyone with my petty moment and loss of control! (which is a place I fall short many times...if I could talk about it more freely with more people these issues wouldn't feel so daunting. This is why we want to spread more awareness!)

It was then that it hit me! Why did I let my thoughts take that one single body sensation that far? I know better than that, and I could have stopped it sooner. These are the pitfalls that happen to us, those who truly grapple with anxiety and who need the wires in their brain reworked. Once I got to my car I had enough sense to stop myself and do what I needed to do to get myself down. First of all changing my environment helped and distracted my brain enough to let some of the negativity melt. Then I began to stretch my arms, neck, and back to get some blood flowing (always makes me feel better). Lastly I began positive affirmations such as: My anxiety is making me feel this way. I am safe and okay. I can breath.

Within a few minutes of doing this, my level of rushed panic had dropped and I was on my way to safety. It wasn't until I got home however, that I completely let the adrenaline in my body flood back out. When I got home I continued to destress my mind and body by jotting some thoughts and feelings I've had throughout the day that could have led to this outbreak of panic. I then lit one of my favorite candles, listened to a few of my favorite songs, and laid quietly with myself and some more positive affirmations.

The POWER of the brain and POSITIVITY is amazing. Give it the right fuel and you can with out a doubt have a very well oiled machine. Does it take work? Sure! But it's much better having to actively work on the positive everyday, then living in negativity and being distraught all day, everyday. This chart shows how panic can creep into your system, and helps me visualize it better, and how to stop it in its tracks more concisely.

So feeling off, sad, or panicked this week or ever? Go find what works for you! Start with our challenge of journaling to better understand your triggers and way of thinking! BE PROACTIVE! Also please feel free to comment, private email, or share your stories of anxiety and panic with us!

Kick off CHALLENGE...

That's right! A challenge!

Each Friday we will post a challenge, nothing too crazy, but little exercises you can try to help alleviate some of your anxiety symptoms. All the challenges are things that we will be doing with you or have done and have found tremendous anxiety relief from. Come and join along with us communicate how it might be working for you....or how it isn't!

So here it is...

THE KICK OFF CHALLENGE: Let's JOURNAL! It is proven that journaling slows down the mind so that you can really understand how you are thinking! When we start to slow down our mind our mind can rest and things become much clearer. So challenge yourself to start journaling! Get it out, write it down, release it...

...NOW, if you have tried this before and it hasn't worked...simply...try it again with US (M and C) and we will keep you accountable. Check in with us and we will check in with you. It is as simple as putting pen to paper...our mind is what makes it out to be much more!

STEPS:

1. Get a pen.

2. Get some paper.

3. Place the pen onto the paper and begin to let it flow. (tip: you could simply draw something for your first journal entry, listing what you did that day or how you felt, making up an imaginative story or character who is playing YOU, or even write the date down each day)

Our mind is what makes journaling look like a task so don't think about it just do it! :)

We have both set a goal to journal once a day so we will be there right alongside you. Ask us questions and share with us how it is working for you. 

Let it FLOW....

C

Getting the Party Started...

...I'll bring the inspirational salad.

First off, C - I am SO proud of you for pushing yourself to share to the degree that you just did, I know it's not the easiest for you, and you are SO inspirational to me, and I'm sure tons of other people out there at this point!

For all of our new "family" members out there, I'm proud of you too. The fact that you're even outsourcing for new information, ideas, and inspiration in your battle against anxiety is amazing. It takes a lot for somebody with this "gift" to get to that point because it is so daunting to feel hopeful, when for as long as you may remember you have felt defeated. But whether 'the beast' just recently popped up in your life and its scary as all hell, or you've been struggling with it for countless years and you are at your wits end, this is JUST where you need to be! So take a deep breath, and feel at peace, because we are all about to truly change for the better...one day at a time.

You may be asking yourself, why? Why is this blog different from any other? Is there anything presented to me that will really help? How on God's green earth is all this connecting, changing, and such really going to help me?! The answer is no more than...you are READY!

You have made the choice to start the process just by looking at this page. There must be something in you that knows, wants, craves a breath of fresh air. Now that you have come this far it is fairly simple. C and I have been where you are at this moment. We have felt defeated, we have said we were going to do anything it took to feel better and then failed miserably, we have sat and negative talked ourselves out of EVER thinking we could truly be on top of our game, but most importantly we have made conscious decisions to change our lives. And that is exactly why you are here right now because -WE- have decided we are WORTH it to live more full, happier lives.

That being said this particular post is merely to give you a preface about what your journey with Creative Anxiety may entail. This is not a 12 step program or a self-help book you took off the shelf at your neighborhood Barnes and Noble. We are real people, with real life situations, coming together to change ourselves and others. One major goal we have in doing this is to create more awareness for those suffering with anxiety and to eliminate the stigmas that go along with it, so that in the future we can all be more open and accepted for the thoughts, feelings, and actions that come with anxiety. The beauty of it all is that we are in it together to teach one another and learn some of life's greatest lessons.

Throughout the next few months, C and I have tons of ideas up our sleeves to help inspire everyone who passes through. We are going to be talking more about our creative outlets, important people in our lives who have helped us build strength, and our inner triumphs. But that's not all. We want to hear from YOU as well. This is a safe place, and we want everyone and anyone to come here to vent, question, and pursue change so that we can hear YOUR stories too!

As said before we have done some researching, changing, and downright living to piece together what works and what doesn't work. You can look forward to seeing posts on diet changes and exercise ideas that have not only helped us but thousands of people. There are great links between the suppression of anxiety and different types of food sensitivities and exerting energy that we all have heard at some time, but we will help to narrow down these ideas and give personal takes on them as well. We will also touch base on great tools for self esteem, building relationships, and challenging oneself during conflicts! For those of you who already are, or are interested in living more holistically, we will be touching base on other forms of centering ones mind, body, and spirit through practices such as grounding, visualizations, chakra balancing, and so forth. There are SO many amazing things ahead of us, I'm not going to bore you with a syllabus. But do know that it will be worth it. It will be worth taking the time to come here as often as you would like - to read the latest posts, join in our charity involvement, inquire about new ideas, and vent to us like your personal journal.

At the end of the day, we are hopefully where you will want to be, to spill your thoughts out onto us like a canvas. Let's make this a colorful world, together, one brush stroke at a time!

Goodnight everyone! See you on the flip side. ☮-M

Dive RIGHT in...

Thank you M for your awesome post yesterday...now here we go...

One thing I do have to say is that I DO NOT LIKE SHARING PERSONAL INFORMATION! So, this blog in itself is a HUGE challenge for me, but a good challenge at that. I personally find that the more I research, the more I learn, the more I experience and the more I help others helps my anxiety GREATLY. I have vowed to share it ALL for this blog and for the purpose of helping someone learn a bit more about themselves and about ANXIETY!

My anxiety started when I was 17 and sort of BLEW UP in my face. I imagine it being something like a seed inside me that had been fed with negativity for years and then blossomed into this awful thing we’ve all name “anxiety”. This was about 12 years ago and ever since I have been strapped into this crazy roller coaster…trying everything imaginable to get the HELL OFF! As it would be easier for me to depend on drugs and alcohol to remedy the feelings that fester deep in my brain and my belly, I’ve decided to take the “bit-more-difficult” rout and tackle this naturally and holistically.

I know what you might be thinking at this point in this post…your anxiety is telling you “holy shit…yeah right…good luck…whatever lady”. Tell that anxious ego of yours to pipe down a second because this is real as real gets and I am here to HELP! Don’t you want to accomplish a happier anxiety-free life? I DO! This is why I have worked my ass off experimenting, reading, researching, learning and giving things a chance to help! Nothing is going to help you unless you let that guard down and are open to a little change…a little upset…a little let down…and a little TRIUMPH!

The way anxiety has affected me has been primarily SOCIAL. I’ve avoided, excused, created stories and have pretty much tried to burry myself in my bed…in my room…under the covers and away from everyone I love and who loves me. It is a daily challenge for me to GET UP and get to work where my brain tells me “HEY…everyone hates you here”. In fact, I have convinced myself that most the population hates me, I annoy most or that I am unworthy of love and everything happy and wonderful. When I step back and assess how my brain has abused me I get pissed. How did it get to this, how did this happen and WHY is my brain such a cruel creature??? I still don’t know why I was given this gift/blessing/cruel joke/curse. It is a mystery that will never really make sense to me, but I am passionate about finding a solution and a muzzle for the thoughts that swirl in my head daily.

My anxiety likes to keep me secluded. I have lost numerous friends over thoughts that they hated me, were against me or were going to hurt me. When I let my anxiety have free reign of my mind and my body it gets to the point where I get paranoid. I have thoughts of people following me, people waiting for me in my home or people devising a plan to hurt me. I’ve gone as far as calling my fiancé from a Dunkin Donuts afraid that the man sitting and reading his newspaper was following me. HOW CRAZY?! Right? At the time these things are happening it makes sense and I am in such a low and dark place that it is the only thing that makes sense to my brain.

Another part of my anxiety is linked to a little OCD. When I feel out of control or my anxiety has me swirling I grasp onto little rituals, all centered around germs (YUCK). It is easier to keep this under wraps and to hide from people and I have JUST started telling people about it and talking about it as if it’s normal. The more I get it OUT the easier it is for me to recognize and help myself. When I am not feeling balanced or grounded I need to keep from touching others who might be carrying germs, washing hands too much and staying away from those people who I judge as “unclean”. I am not proud of that fact that I judge others in such a way and when my anxiety is subdued I am open and accepting of everyone (trust me…I’m NICE)! This is my anxiety’s way of still keeping me at a distance from EVERYONE. To be perfectly honest EVERYONE is dirty to me when my anxiety needs something to grasp onto. This keeps me out of large groups, away from busy stores and making excuses as to why I can’t attend a friend’s party at that time.

I grew up with a father in law enforcement who has seen, first hand, the bad and the ugly. I was his only daughter and in an effort to keep me safe and protected he would teach me how to keep myself safe. I learned to close the blinds a certain way so someone couldn’t watch me, I learned to look over my shoulder without really turning my head, I learned how to yell for help, I learned how to carry my keys, I learned what people might try to do, where they would enter the house and how. By NO MEANS do I blame my father for starting this, but in his efforts to keep me SAFE I turned it around in my brain as all these people were coming after me. Why, you ask? WHO KNOWS! I pride myself on knowing what to do in different situations, but I OBSESS about these thoughts. I cannot walk down a parking lot at night without practicing everything I’ve learned.

…SO that is pretty much the gist of my anxiety and how it affects me. I am SO very grateful for my parents, my fiancé and my brother for all their continued support along the way. Without them I really don’t know where I would be (probably still in bed). Don’t get me wrong, I am still OPENING up to them so it is a learning process for everyone, but to be able to speak to them about my struggles creates a great support system for me. I believe STRONGLY that the process to feeling better is linked directly to building the support around you…telling everyone you truly love that you are struggling with ANXIETY!

…Your anxiety is popping up again, right? Almost done… :)

I don’t believe this is a permanent feeling that I am “stuck with” and therein lies how I combat it head on. I try to stay as organic, holistic and all natural as I can and am continually experimenting with supplements and natural products to try and lessen my anxiety. I am also a huge advocate of YOGA. Yoga has done such AMAZING things for me…that I became a certified yoga instructor! Why not spread the love and help others with something that has helped me TREMENDOUSLY. I have also become a trained LIFE COACH to spread a little MORE LOVE and get other’s lives on the path they have always wanted them. Creativity is also my outlet and canvas and paint are my medium. To sit with some canvas and paint is, for me, sitting anxiety free.

It helps me to help YOU! This is how M and I came together…I was there for her to HELP with her anxiety. That relationship has turned around and we equally help each other now…and it is pretty AWESOME! My life is not perfect and don’t claim to have the cure for anxiety, but I have come a VERY LONG WAY!

So don’t be afraid to OPEN yourself, tell us your story, ask questions or just talk! We are here to take advice and give it as well.

Peace, love, hugs…C  :)