Creative Anxiety: INSPIRED…revived…thankful!

Sunday, November 4, 2012

INSPIRED…revived…thankful!

SO…we’ve been a little MIA in the past week! BUT we are baaaaaaaack! I wanted to shoot a quick little post out to share just how inspired I’ve been lately by words of loved ones that have lifted me up higher than I thought I would ever be. It is truly confirmed that I am meant to help others. In return, I am helping myself!

Last weekend (October 27^th and 28^th) everyone was out celebrating Halloween. M and I were out as well (sadly not together). I was headed to a party with my fiancé where we would be meeting A LOT of new people. I usually freak out the day before, hours before and on the way there. I stress and stress and stress until I cry, get sick or throw my hands up and refuse to go. Without even realizing, NONE OF THAT HAPPENED! There was pure happiness, excitement and readiness flowing through me.

We headed to the party and had an AMAZING time. On our way home my fiancé grabs my hand and says, “I am so very proud of you!”. Of course I was confused, but turned to him and said “What? Why?” with a little bit of an uncomfortable laugh. He responded with “your anxiety was nonexistent tonight, it wasn’t hard for you to go or stay or talk to new people. I’m proud of you that you’ve improved SO much!”. That little sentence touched me so deeply and reaffirmed that all my hard work has been changing how my anxiety controls my life. SO AWESOME!

I really have worked my ass off to find things to help my anxiety naturally and this was the cherry on time of my hard-work-Sunday! Hehe. It all started when I switched my thinking and told myself I would fight as long as it took to get this stupid anxiety to go away.

That simple comment was enough, but the next affirmation BLEW ME AWAY and makes me feel as though I’ve come full circle.

I received a message last night with the sincerest words. As I was driving my phone beeps and tells me that an old friend (someone who I have not spoken to in five years) had written me. I little confused I, briefly skimmed the message…then PULLED OVER! This message was like nothing I had ever read before from someone I had helped get through a very difficult time.

As you see in my bio, I am a rape survivor/victim/? (not sure what to call it). The bio was probably one of the hardest things I have ever written and almost made me not follow through with this blog. It is something I DON’T TALK ABOUT and something that people don’t bring up because it doesn’t define me. Not a lot of people know and I like it that way, to be perfectly honest.

That being said, the message was related to this. The person who sent me these amazing words was a rape victim as well. I had been there for her from the morning after the incident to through the ups and downs of the emotions she suffered through in the weeks after. I confided in her that I was once in her shoes and that I was willing to help in any way that I could. Honestly, it was a challenge for me as well! Bringing up those raw emotions and feelings that go hand in hand with the experience if HARD, but I sucked it up to help my friend. I never realized I had made helped so much sharing my experience.

Back to the message: This old friend sent me a message about how much I helped her and how thankful she was that I had been there to share my story with her and to help her get through what she needed to get through at that time. AMAZING! She had been and still is the only person I have helped in this area and I am forever grateful for her kind words.

It all really has come FULL CIRCLE! I’ve finally opened up about it and then I receive an affirmation that it was the right thing to do. I cannot even describe the emotions that were shooting through me while reading these words.

So I am revived, recharged and inspired to help others with my story and with the things that have worked for me. Anxiety is a BITCH and I will smash it!

Ready to paint, create and grow!

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The girls who started it all...and their stories.

Well hello there! My name is Megan and here’s my little tale:

It’s safe to say that the person I am today is a far different one than I was many years ago. As many of you know, dealing with anxiety seems like an uphill battle some days, and I’ve felt like for most of my life I have been struggling to get to the top of that hill to safety. My anxiety started very young and mainly revolved around the constant fear of something medical going wrong with me. I was definitely a hypochondriac, and gave myself unnecessary amounts of anxiety over little to nothing at times. After passing out a few times due to seeing my own blood, both fainting and blood became huge triggers for me. This led me to avoid many situations, namely doctors’ offices, etc. My anxious symptoms were like that of fainting or having a heart attack and at any given time, I felt like my world was crashing and I was about to die.

…which brings me to my next chapter with the “beast”. By the way, I call anxiety the “beast” because it truly takes on its own entity at times. Anyhow, my next chapter is one of quite the lengthy time frame. It was all exacerbated when one day a tragedy hit close to home. My dad had got into a motorcycle accident and died instantly. This, as for anyone, sent my world spinning at the speed of light. It was then that my fear of death and dying amplified. I was constantly feeling sick, or like an 80 pound elephant was sitting on my chest. I didn’t know what I was feeling, nor did I really talk to anybody about it, which made it worse. Junior high, high school, and even my first few years at the junior college were plagued by constant worry; self esteem issues, horrible panic attacks, and so on. I somehow managed to make it through as normal as possible but I was hurting on the inside and most definitely not living a full life.

Once I went away to college my anxiety had stabilized. It was by no means gone, but for some reason it had subsided to a point of decent comfort. Those few years were as relaxed as they could be, and life seemed to be pretty good. It wasn’t until about a year ago that the “beast” began to really rear its ugly head again. This time it was back tenfold, however, and I was determined to find a happy place…one of comfort and happiness. And that my friends is where I’m at today, trying to find a true life of bliss. This last year has been a hard one, but through a lot of self discovery and branching out into new avenues, I am slowly piecing together what works best for me. So far I have found inner strength through trying new things such as yoga, supplements, and creative outlets such as photography, dance, and art. My hopes in build a community through Creative Anxiety is that I can reach out to others who strive to better themselves and others who deal with this unfortunate beast.

Hi there, I’m Chrissy!

My journey with anxiety has been a long one (or so it feels), dating back to when I was in high school. I had been struggling for a while in social settings and changes, but had chopped it up to being an average teenager. It was my first anxiety attack that painted a clearer picture as to what I had been dealing with. And so began the journey…

My first attack was something I will never forget and has created a foundation for where I stand today. My first attack also explains a lot of my history and was a breakthrough for me in getting the necessary help I needed at the time. It was triggered by a past traumatic experience. When I was fourteen I had been raped. The setting in which it took place was visually recreated which induced my first and most horrific panic/anxiety attack. This was a breakthrough in a lot of ways for me. I had not told anyone, spoken about it or personally revisited the memory for four years until that day. When my family was informed I gained the support I needed to start my battle against ANXIETY!

After learning what anxiety was, how it works and being fed drug after drug by doctor after doctor I was really getting nowhere. I was feeling zombie-esque on the medicine, having bad withdrawals and feeling sedated for the majority of the time. This is when I decided to take a different path.

See…my brain automatically links my anxiety now to being raped and the feelings that were felt in that situation. It is such a feeling of disgust and helplessness that motivate me to free myself. I have problems in social situations and trusting others with anything and everything. I have a fear of being attacked, which feeds my anxiety daily in everyday situations and the constant negative self-talk is something I have to keep battling.

I have really two choices (the way I see it)…I can either lay down and feel sorry for what was and what now is or I can fight like hell to live the BEST life I can possibly live. I’ve chosen to fight! I believe there is a fix for this thing we all call ANXIETY and I am determined to find it. Through trial and error, trial and success and a lot of support I believe it is something that is attainable. Holistic, drug free, all natural healthy ways to heal is what I’m all about. So let this new journey begin in sharing what I’ve learned with other who might have walked in my shoes or who choose to walk right alongside me. Let’s fight on!