Creative Anxiety: Inspiration. Serenity. New Beginnings.

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Inspiration. Serenity. New Beginnings.

My story. My life. My breath of fresh air...

When I think of my most anxious times in life, there is always one reoccurring thought, feeling, and mantra for me..."Be Free!" All I ever wanted when I was enduring these rough patches was to feel free and at ease. Free of the 'demons' inside of me making me feel so cluttered, so out of touch, so...just not right. We all know that when faced with tremendous stress and anxiety getting through one day can be tough let alone crawling back on to solid ground for good. My last bout of extreme struggle with 'the beast' started back last November. This time around my anxiety level was something that literally floored me. Although I've had a life long struggle of ups and downs, when this ton of bricks came piling down on me, it hurt. And it hurt bad! It was a slow decline into the dark abyss as I stressed for two months straight about getting my tonsils out, something that I was deathly afraid of. I could not stop thinking about it day and night, right up until the minute I went into surgery. My extreme fear of doctors, needles, hospitals, and all that came along with them ate me alive day in and day out. It was a torturous road to D-Day! All I wanted was it to be over, and for me to feel like the "old me" again.

So naturally once my surgery was over and I was on the road to recovery, I figured my anxiety levels would subside. Little did I know I was drastically wrong. Although the worst was over, recovery was no fun, I was in a relationship I didn't feel comfortable in, and I had a lot of turmoil at work. Take week after week of these constant stresses, and boom months go by and I'm still a walking head case! I could not take the way I was feeling anymore. I was at a breaking point and had no more to give. It was then I had the worst panic attack...EVER. I had literally hit rock bottom and had nowhere else to go. Thankfully at this point I had a few shining people in my life that helped piece me back together. I give these people SO much credit as I don't know what I'd do without them. One of those people is my now rekindled love and then ex-boyfriend, who without a doubt is the glue that holds me together and the other was C! C and I were fairly new friends at the time but we've always had a great chemistry. She was there to help guide me to sources of comfort and calm. As these two significant people started me on a much healthier, happier road, I also started to do some soul searching of my own. At this point in my life I had dabbled in many different art forms. Most of which I still tried my hand at from time to time, but left no time for my creativity on a regular basis. From dance, to interior design and everything in between I am a truly right brained, creative person. That being said I let everyday life and my anxieties take me away, leaving no time for extra curricular activities. I realized through this thorough searching of deeper being however, that I needed to hone in on what really made me tick.

That being said I had, at that time really started to get into photography. Not even realizing how relaxed and "in another world" I became when doing so. After I started getting more and more comments on how well I use my camera and have an "eye" for getting great pictures - a bell finally went off - maybe this is something I should be listening to. So long story short, I found myself getting lost on a trail, or climbing up rocks to shoot interesting shots of flowers, trees, and other beauties of nature. I realized that when I gave myself the time to do this, I was SO much more at ease. My anxiety would be non existent while meandering through these scenic routes, and afterwards, even if faced with a stressful situation, I was more likely to come out of it unscathed. This breakthrough has lead me to pursue my photography even more. I now have been branching out, and although nature is my most favorite thing to capture, I have been working with children and families in a variety of fabulous shoots! I can't believe how much relaxation it brings me, and not to mention the absolute JOY it is to work with the fantastic people I encounter, and give them something beautiful to cherish. I am now head over heels in love with photography and am learning, growing, and challenging myself in it everyday! It is my medicine, my breath, and basically my heart beat at this point. I must also mention that the confidence boost that this path gave me, also helped me rekindle my life ling love and devotion to dancing. I've done it ever since I was 3 and about 5 or 6 years ago I kind of just stopped doing it. Not anymore! I have now carved out some time to teach a couple of children's classes so that I can be doing another great outlet that I love so dearly, all while helping others grow in their lives too!

Anxiety can bring us down at times, but we must look within us to find what really makes us at peace. Is it dance, creating mosaics, or how about crocheting? The list of things that can become creative outlets for us is endless, and its unique to each individual. I found my sources of comfort and creativity and never looked back. We also have something that makes us tick and if we ignore it, only time will tell, but we will lose a piece of ourselves. I want everyone around me, including YOU to think about what gives you that special outlet. What makes you forget about your money problems, stubborn co-worker, or troubled past if even just a while? Do some soul searching, journal, venture off into some volunteering, there's something for everyone! And if you already have something that say, you used to do or you think your too out of shape or rusty at - TOO BAD - go do it! Find the new you and that outlet. You may not be able to play volleyball or draw the way you used to, but what can you do with it NOW! I hope that all of you take the time to really day dream and find something you can hold on to to make this life worth living. Because for me not only do photography and dance make the world a MUCH more beautiful place, they make me a much better, happier, healthier person!

I've added one of my most favorite pictures I've taken to date. I can literally see and feel the breath it gives me when I look at it. I hope you enjoy my creation, and my newest journey - Amore Vita! Please share your creative outlets with us! Comment, message, or email us with your story and maybe a picture of you doing it or the product of which you made! I'm so excited to get to know YOU!

Go and do. Be you!

☮ - M

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The girls who started it all...and their stories.

Well hello there! My name is Megan and here’s my little tale:

It’s safe to say that the person I am today is a far different one than I was many years ago. As many of you know, dealing with anxiety seems like an uphill battle some days, and I’ve felt like for most of my life I have been struggling to get to the top of that hill to safety. My anxiety started very young and mainly revolved around the constant fear of something medical going wrong with me. I was definitely a hypochondriac, and gave myself unnecessary amounts of anxiety over little to nothing at times. After passing out a few times due to seeing my own blood, both fainting and blood became huge triggers for me. This led me to avoid many situations, namely doctors’ offices, etc. My anxious symptoms were like that of fainting or having a heart attack and at any given time, I felt like my world was crashing and I was about to die.

…which brings me to my next chapter with the “beast”. By the way, I call anxiety the “beast” because it truly takes on its own entity at times. Anyhow, my next chapter is one of quite the lengthy time frame. It was all exacerbated when one day a tragedy hit close to home. My dad had got into a motorcycle accident and died instantly. This, as for anyone, sent my world spinning at the speed of light. It was then that my fear of death and dying amplified. I was constantly feeling sick, or like an 80 pound elephant was sitting on my chest. I didn’t know what I was feeling, nor did I really talk to anybody about it, which made it worse. Junior high, high school, and even my first few years at the junior college were plagued by constant worry; self esteem issues, horrible panic attacks, and so on. I somehow managed to make it through as normal as possible but I was hurting on the inside and most definitely not living a full life.

Once I went away to college my anxiety had stabilized. It was by no means gone, but for some reason it had subsided to a point of decent comfort. Those few years were as relaxed as they could be, and life seemed to be pretty good. It wasn’t until about a year ago that the “beast” began to really rear its ugly head again. This time it was back tenfold, however, and I was determined to find a happy place…one of comfort and happiness. And that my friends is where I’m at today, trying to find a true life of bliss. This last year has been a hard one, but through a lot of self discovery and branching out into new avenues, I am slowly piecing together what works best for me. So far I have found inner strength through trying new things such as yoga, supplements, and creative outlets such as photography, dance, and art. My hopes in build a community through Creative Anxiety is that I can reach out to others who strive to better themselves and others who deal with this unfortunate beast.

Hi there, I’m Chrissy!

My journey with anxiety has been a long one (or so it feels), dating back to when I was in high school. I had been struggling for a while in social settings and changes, but had chopped it up to being an average teenager. It was my first anxiety attack that painted a clearer picture as to what I had been dealing with. And so began the journey…

My first attack was something I will never forget and has created a foundation for where I stand today. My first attack also explains a lot of my history and was a breakthrough for me in getting the necessary help I needed at the time. It was triggered by a past traumatic experience. When I was fourteen I had been raped. The setting in which it took place was visually recreated which induced my first and most horrific panic/anxiety attack. This was a breakthrough in a lot of ways for me. I had not told anyone, spoken about it or personally revisited the memory for four years until that day. When my family was informed I gained the support I needed to start my battle against ANXIETY!

After learning what anxiety was, how it works and being fed drug after drug by doctor after doctor I was really getting nowhere. I was feeling zombie-esque on the medicine, having bad withdrawals and feeling sedated for the majority of the time. This is when I decided to take a different path.

See…my brain automatically links my anxiety now to being raped and the feelings that were felt in that situation. It is such a feeling of disgust and helplessness that motivate me to free myself. I have problems in social situations and trusting others with anything and everything. I have a fear of being attacked, which feeds my anxiety daily in everyday situations and the constant negative self-talk is something I have to keep battling.

I have really two choices (the way I see it)…I can either lay down and feel sorry for what was and what now is or I can fight like hell to live the BEST life I can possibly live. I’ve chosen to fight! I believe there is a fix for this thing we all call ANXIETY and I am determined to find it. Through trial and error, trial and success and a lot of support I believe it is something that is attainable. Holistic, drug free, all natural healthy ways to heal is what I’m all about. So let this new journey begin in sharing what I’ve learned with other who might have walked in my shoes or who choose to walk right alongside me. Let’s fight on!